"Watch me! Look! Watch me! Look at me!"
then literally one minute later...
"Don't look at me. Go away. Leave me alone."
And sometimes, she will stare at me until I look at her, only to say, "Don't look at me."
The same scenario applies to the "help me/go away I can do it myself" game. Both sides of that coin involve screaming at me. Always and forever screaming at me. It is exhausting. Somehow I'm supposed to pleasantly tolerate or neutrally ignore all this? After 18 months of sleep deprivation? Well, I am not a robot. I am just pissed off and angry most of the time. It feels abusive. And it's hard to keep perspective because I'm a full time single mom and AKA is the only one I have to talk to.
18 months ago AKA decided to start waking for the day at 4-5am. I thought that was bad--until about 9 months ago when she decided to start waking me up randomly all night AND getting up at 4-5am. Never knowing when she'll appear to jolt me from deep sleep from night to night is what really screws with my head.
This is taking an excruciating toll on my physical and mental being. And I'm starting a new job soon. How do parents work under these conditions? Without enough sleep to function?
Because from all I hear from everyone I have ever talked to: their kid does that too. Really? So why am I the only one with the wild, insane, dark, sunken eyes?
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